Both my parents are highly independent and they always got what they wanted. However, as the eldest son, I had more influence on them than others. The last few of years of his life, dad spent with one or the other of his children as per his personal choice. Finally, the stay at the Old Age Home was also his choice. He told us that he did not want to be burden on any of us.
This photo was taken at the Old Age Home about a year before his demise. He was convalescing from a viral fever. After this, my brother took him to his home. He lived there for a few months. During the last few months, he wanted to be near me. We have been close to each other, more friends than father and son. So we brought him to our place. However, during the last days, we fell out with each other and I did not see him for nearly a month. When I finally went to him he was unable to recognize me. He passed away at the age of 80.
When I think of it now, I am unable to believe that I actually did it. The guilty feeling and the agony probably I will have to carry with me to my grave. There were so many problems which I had not the courage, strength and wherewithal to face or tackle. It is no use thinking of them now; better let them remain buried. Probably I may have to pay for this towards the end of my life. Let it be so.
1 comment:
Dear Mulla,
You need not feel guilty. May be it was his way of straightening his record and paying all the dues here, before leaving for the heavenly abode. May be he might have felt it difficult to depart from you had he continued the relationship. Let us not feel guilty one more time after the mother’s departure.
-nellai.
Post a Comment